hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
