I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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