Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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