Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
