I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
