also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
