You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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