absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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