she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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