Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
