just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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