They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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