Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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