In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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