My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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