i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize