dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
