i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
