Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
