I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
