I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
