Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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