I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
