Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
