Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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