the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize