he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
