There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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