Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
