You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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