girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
sex in a hospital.. check
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
