Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
