Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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