You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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