I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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