I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
