Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I look better un-naked...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
