Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
