Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We have started to decorate penises.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
