I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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