you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
