I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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