I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
