Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
