why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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