I just saw a hot homeless man
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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