my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
