I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
