I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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