I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
