I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize