I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
