just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your cock deserves a montage
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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