you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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