ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize