even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
