Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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