i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
