My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Be still, my beating vagina.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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