I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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