I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize