New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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