I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
