Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
