he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
