My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
