goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
