Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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