when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
