it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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