Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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