As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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