Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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