Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
