You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
