You're completely useless in the revolution.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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