i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
