wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
