she was so not down for the gang bang
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
