Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
