I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
