She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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